


ocean boy

by auspice



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Abstract, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, One Shot, kaworus like a water spirit/ghost/figment kind of thing.............idk, very very abstract im sorry if u dont understand it because neither do i tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-16 01:39:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11243664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auspice/pseuds/auspice
Summary: ikari shinji meets an ocean boy by the name of nagisa kaworu.





	ocean boy

shinji lives near the ocean.

every morning by the first cracks of sunlight over the distant blue horizon, he awakes to the low hush of the waves making their rounds over the land and back, and every morning he follows the same routine; he wakes up, brushes his teeth, takes a shower, dresses, makes breakfast and walks to school. 

when you’re living alone, you have to get used to this sort of thing. nobody’s ever sang shinji to sleep before, and that’s not going to change as far as he can tell (and he says he doesn’t need anybody to, but sometimes, late at night, he lies in bed and listens to the ocean and wonders if sailors ever let the ocean sing them to sleep, or maybe if the ocean was the siren the myths warned about, lulling the unfortunate into a gentle sleep until the ship is swallowed whole).

he’s lived like this since he was thirteen. no family to take him in, but a lot of inheritance money at the very least. his mother was always prepared for anything, is what shinji’s father used to tell shinji, before he disappears one night during the new moon.

oh well, the past is the past, and there is no time to be spent on trivial matters, shinji thinks, as he slings his messenger bag over his shoulder and leaves for the day.

\--

one morning shinji wakes up to someone singing (for shinji always opened his window at night).

there’s a sudden compulsion--a yearning, a beckoning?--that brings him off course from his routine and down to the sand of the beach. somewhere, the sun began to shine over the dark blue waters, and the surfaces that managed to catch the rays shimmered and quivered in liquid luminosity. and for all the light there was, it’s still, undoubtedly, dark, and shinji can’t figure out why he would be out in the cold morning with only a shirt and shorts on.

the singing stops, and that’s when shinji sees him.

the low upward slope of pale shoulder blades, the gentle slip of a neck and the muted curves of a chin, a nose; perched midst a hazy rock jutting forth from sand into sea, a boy gazes back at him with round, pointed eyes (like those of a doll, shinji thinks, but only if dolls had a stare that made him feel like nothing and everything all at once). it’s almost poetic, and shinji strangely feels as if it is and he’s been through this millions of times before.

“who are you?” he asks, and watches the way the little sunlight catches in the boy’s silver hair, in his pale eyelashes, the liquid of his eyes--the shadows untouched frame his face as though he was lysippos’ own hermes.

shinji can’t (doesn’t want to) look away--was it morbid curiosity that kept him there, or the sense that he’s somehow seen this before, felt this before, when he wasn’t quite so alone but felt so alone anyways?

“i don’t remember,” says the boy. “but i think i remember you. do you know who i am?” 

somewhere, the seagulls are crying. a car alarm echoes down.

“vaguely,” shinji murmurs, before he walks back to his little house just barely hanging off the little divet of ocean’s cliffside, because he knows the boy isn’t going to say anything. the sand shifts and whispers underneath his feet--cold, but the sun is warm on his back.

the boy starts to sing again,

and shinji finds himself humming that song at school.

\--

one morning shinji wakes up to a series of knocks on his door.

the knocking occurs in rapid successions of fours--shinji’s eyes slide over to the alarm clock that reveals it is currently four in the morning, and he’s still an hour to sleep before he gets ready for the day. it is with heavy limbs that he drags himself out of bed and picks his way through his dinky home to answer the door, wondering blearily if it’d be worth it to expend some energy in yelling at this early morning intruder.

the knocking still hasn’t ceased by the time he gets to the door.

“what?” shinji demands as he swings the door open.

the boy is staring back at him, wide-eyed, hand raised in mid-knock. he’s clothed, this time--in a little sailor’s uniform, but his hair still shimmers with beads of water.

“i remember,” the boy breathes--it’s more akin to a rattling of bones than it is a breath--and cups shinji’s face with lithe fingers, smoothing the pads of thumbs over his eyes. “my name. it’s kaworu. kaworu of the seashore. nagisa kaworu.”

kaworu’s hands are cold, and he smells of sea salt.

\--

“do you think there is a heaven?” 

shinji shifts to lean forward, elbows upon his knees and hands holding up his face. this rock is terribly cold, he thinks, for his butt is numb at this point. it’s cold enough that even nagisa kaworu’s hands feel warm.

“i don’t know.” shinji watches as the sky gradually lightens with each passing minute, the water lapping at the sand in it’s soundless lullaby. how much longer can this last? every day feels farther than the previous, and every day shinji wonders if there’s even a point to this endless charade. school, no school... what difference does it make for a person with no designation?

watching the sun rise every morning for the past month with a boy of the ocean makes you wonder about a lot of stupid things.

“i think,” kaworu starts to say, looking down at his moon-paled hands, “that there must be a heaven if i was able to meet you, ikari shinji, because i feel like i’ve known you all my life. maybe i knew you when we were both among the clouds.”

it is at this point that shinji takes kaworu’s hand, idly tracing patterns amongst the thin lines of the canvas of mute skin.

“then… can you bring me back to heaven?” and shinji kisses kaworu on the lips. 

he tastes like home.

\--

“kaworu, i can’t keep going on like this,” shinji whispers one late evening, underneath the observing stars. “take me home.”

kaworu pauses, in the midst of admiring the landscape of shinji’s hands. “i don’t know if i should… it’s too soon--”

“please. i love you.” 

the ocean continues to whisper.

“are you… are you really sure?”

“i want to be with you. please, kaworu. let me ask this of you just this once.”

whisper, whisper. breathless escapades.

“...then don’t let go.”

and they hug, and the ocean grows violent. the whispers turn into shouts, and the water lurches forward, consuming, taking--returning. shinji quivers in kaworu’s arms, but kaworu holds him tighter and kisses his forehead. “it will be alright,” kaworu says. “i will protect you. i always have.”

and the ocean swallows them both up.

\--

“...just earlier this morning, the body of fourteen year old ikari shinji was found on the beach. he was reported missing after missing school for several weeks, but reports indicate he had only died just hours prior to when his body was found. investigations are on the way to discover whether this was a homicide or a suicide…”

and then there was nothing.

**Author's Note:**

> i guess that's kind of a happy ending


End file.
